There will come a time in your relationship when you’ll discuss with your girlfriend about moving in together. Deciding to live with your girlfriend shouldn’t be taken lightly and if you and your girlfriend are thinking of moving in together, but you’re not sure if now is the right time, we’ve created the following guide to help you make that all important decision.
Things to Consider
Some important things that you need to consider when deciding whether or not to move in with her:
Money – If you’re moving out of your parents’ home you’ll need to ask yourself the following questions.
- Do you have a regular income? You’ll need a regular income to pay for a range of on-going costs such as rent, food and utilities such as electricity and gas. If you haven’t had to pay for these things in the past, it is easy to underestimate how much it can all cost.
- Do you have savings? You’ll need savings to pay for a deposit and buy things for your new place.
- Do you have an emergency fund? It’s always a good idea to have some money set aside for a rainy day – lose your job, the car goes wrong, you break up so you move out etc.
- Can you afford to move out? You’ll still want to go out with your mates, go on holidays, buy new clothes etc.
Timing – It may not be a good time for you to move out. You might have exams or other stresses to deal with. Move out when it’s convenient for you both.
Relationship Issues – Moving in with your girlfriend is a big decision and will change the dynamics of your relationship. Try asking yourself the following questions first:
Are your reasons the right ones? It’s most likely that the main reason for thinking about moving in together is that you want to spend more time together. However, if you both live on your own, another common reason it that moving in together will save you money and that you’ll both be financially better off. If that’s your main motivation, you need to consider how strong your relationship is. Sleeping together every night may eventually lead to a pregnancy and if you’re not fully in love with her, you’ll be attached to her for life, whether you like it or not. Moving in together should be about taking the next step in your relationship and you should be at the stage where you’re both thinking about spending the future together. If you’re more concerned about saving rental bills and you’re just using her for the time being, then think about sharing a house with a friend or advertise online to get new tenants in to share the rent with you.
Are you friends, as well as partners? If you’ve got to the stage in your relationship where moving in together feels natural, then it’s probably safe to say that you do love each other, but do you really like each other? If the sexual attraction wasn’t there, would you still like her for who she is? Does she have the qualities that you’d look for in a good friend? When you’ve gone on holiday with your friends and stayed in the same room in the past, you may have felt irritated by some of their domestic or hygiene habits. When your girlfriend stays over, she may have the same habits, but if it’s the start of the relationship you might overlook them. But how would you feel if she’s like this all the time? Before moving in together, not only do you need to consider how strong your relationship is but your friendship also. Can you talk to her about things that you’d talk about with your mates? Can you be yourself around her all of the time?
Are you ready to give up your freedom? As with most couples, if you’re thinking about moving in together, you probably already spend the majority of your time together anyway. When that’s the case, it does make sense to share a place together instead of always travelling to see one another. But when two homes become one, your freedom is reduced. You can no longer come and go as you please without telling her where you’re going and when you’ll be back. Of course you can still have your own interests and still do your own thing with friends whenever you want, but moving in together means it’s not as easy to have your own time to chill out and relax.
Are you compatible? When you live together, compatibility goes beyond liking the same movies or liking the same food. If she’s moving into your place, what’s she bringing with her? For example, she may have an old wardrobe and bedside furniture or a collection of cushions. If your bachelor pad is contemporary and designed just the way you like it – now what? While you may prefer none of her stuff coming in and ruining your pad, most couples often compromise and mix each other’s styles together. However if you’re compatible, you’ll like the same sort of things and wouldn’t need to change.
Do you both want the same in the future? To answer this question you need to know what your vision is for your relationship as well as what your girlfriends vision really is. If your overall vision isn’t shared then moving in together will only lead to heartache for one or both of you down the line. For example, if your vision is to eventually travel the world and hers is to settle down, you’re aiming for completely different things. If you both share a vision of buying a place together or one day starting a family together, moving in together is a positive step in the right direction.
Taking a Chance
You never really know whether your relationship will last, but if you have any doubts about living together, try not to move in. However, if you really feel that your relationship is for keeps, then living together is a positive step towards a loving, long-lasting relationship and you should go ahead and take the chance.